Marquette Attempts To Clean Up Hunger

Once a year, MU students wake up early, shower off their hangover, and actually do something. Not to say that MU students don't work hard, because they do, but many students have spent the majority of their Saturdays in some sort of alcohol-induced coma that lasts until 2-3 pm.

These great students should be commended, because, they attempt to clean up hunger. Cleaning up hunger is no small challenge. Hunger is not like your dirty roommate's side of the room. You can't just walk over there and pick up the pile of clothes laying on top of the open pizza box (yes there was a piece left) and throw it all in a recycling bin. Hunger is much more complex and has thousands of intricacies. It has baffled the most brilliant of minds for centuries.

For a while we knew about hunger, how we did not like the feeling, how we had to eat to make the feeling go away, but what we did not know was how to clean it up. We knew it was a messy problem, even messier than the Exxon-Valdez oil spill in the 80's, more messy than the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant disaster in the 70's, and more messy than the 60's in general.

Introduce Bob Feldner, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago. Dr. Feldner discovered that the only way to clean up hunger is to do so with thousands of college kids cleaning it at one time. Feldner's radical theory detailed how since hunger is such a large problem, and so complex, it needs the most complex of people (college students) and a large number of them to all attack it by cleaning it at one time. Not only this, but it has to be done at least every year because hunger is so powerful it can never be cleaned and defeated, it only goes and hides in a cave for a little while because it prefers to be dirty.

Marquette decided to pick up this tradition and it has been a hit amongst students willing to do service. I had a conversation with Pessimist Pete last night who claimed people do not do it to battle the epic problem that is hunger, they do it so "those rat bastards can actually feel like they aren't being a waste of space and then they can justify getting blackout drunk 4 nights a week with mommy and daddy's money." Pete might have a point but we here at the blue and YELLOW herald congratulate all of the courageous individuals who stood up against hunger, and vowed to clean it up yesterday.


That's a job well done you two.