James Carville Is An Alien

Believe me, the Marquette Tribune did a great job reporting on the James Carville speech and I enjoyed reading the article, but I too witnessed the lecture and I think the Trib missed a few of the underlying points in Carville's speech Wednesday night.

The first thing I noticed is that he is clearly an alien. After the speech I checked this fact with the ultimate source of truthiness, wikiality.com, and it is indeed true. Carville's speech was well done, humorous, and thought provoking, but looking deeper than his words only struck me with fear.

I realized Carville helped build the Democratic Party into what it is today, a party that is weak on defense spending, therefore, easy to be attacked during a hostile alien takeover. Don't be fooled, his jabs at Republicans were only plays to make you, college students, vote democratically and pro-alien.

Despite the fact that many alien disaster movies such as Independence Day and Mars Attacks came out during Carville's heyday in the 90's, he was still able to prevent citizens from being scared of an imminent alien attack while using his alien smarts to puppeteer Bill Clinton. We also have not been able to see this coming due to the previous administration's preoccupation with Musilm extremists and other varieties of terrorists keeping us plenty scared.

The ultimate proof came when I recorded Carville's speech on my tape recorder and then played it backward later that night:

"Aliens of planet Qwakzal Nine! The time is now! The democrats I helped build are in office, the humans military will be powerless and subdued by our might! There will be chaos and mass panic in the streets! Look at all of these kids now in front of me, clueless and unsuspecting to our pure rage! Soon enough they will all be subject to our mighty reign! May us aliens rule planet earth for millenniums to come! Bwahahahahaha!"