God Strikes Down Engineering Professor

In a rage not seen since the Old Testament, God was angered enough by the actions of a Marquette University professor to actually destroy a human being. Many people have said that all natural disasters were the work of God exerting his wrath upon humanity, but this time we know for sure because God has unofficially confessed to the killing.

God was extremely angered by the behavior of Dr. Ron Johnson, a professor in the Mechanical Engineering Department of the College of Engineering. Johnson, who has been on staff with MU since 2004, was teaching his Thermodynamics lecture Wednesday morning and he demanded that his students do their homework and somehow get it to him by Friday. Despite the fact that many students were going home for the holiday, and that the holiday in question was Good Friday, he still thought he should drive his students to the brink of exhaustion by scheduling some intense thermo homework problems.

Johnson was also reported to be making crude remarks about the sanctity of the holiday and also trying to relate thermodynamics to the Crucifixion and the Resurrection during his lecture. When God heard all of this, it just pushed Him over the brink. According to the Lord, nobody should be that crazy during Holy Week.

Johnson knew he was on borrowed time when he was crossing the street Friday morning on his way back from Marquette Place to his office in Haggerty Hall and he was almost hit by an MCTS bus zooming down Wisconsin Avenue. Johnson raced to his office only to find that minutes later God rained fire and brimstone upon his office. There was no trace left of him or his office, which is now a giant hole in the side of the building.

As for God, he will be on trial at the Milwaukee County Courthouse Wednesday. He could face up to life in prison. However, he is considering the possibility of entering a guilty plea in hopes of gaining parole. Although, God has already unofficially confessed because, well, lets just say the Man takes pride in his work.