'We Are Marquette' Movie To Be Filmed

In order to boost university moral and create "an extreme togetherness and brotherhood" that will unite all undergraduates, graduates, faculty, administration, Jimmy John's delivery drivers, and that guy at the bus stop, the office of student development has commissioned a task force with one ultimate goal: to create a Marquette themed movie.

This film is rumored to be a multi-million dollar summer blockbuster that everyone will enjoy and is supposedly packed with non-stop action, humor, drama, and everything else you could ever want.

After exams were completed, several OSD staff members were locked in a conference room in the basement of Mashuda Hall and were told that they couldn't leave until they came up with "The best movie idea ever. Like even better than Armageddon." Sleepless nights were spent tossing around ideas and paper airplanes, but finally the task force was able to nail down a good foundation for this cinematic masterpiece.

"The first weekend was hard. There we were, idea less, and building mountain dew can pyramids on top of pizza boxes," explained Jim Harvey, Marquette Movie Task Force Leader, "But then it hit me, our slogan, 'We Are Marquette', lets do something with that."

The light bulb was illuminated in the rest of the task force and they began rolling with the 'We Are Marquette' idea and coming up with some great stuff. Obviously, the protagonist of the story was determined to be Dwayne Wade. The role of Wade was originally offered to Samuel L. Jackson, and then Don Cheadle, but both were rumored to be busy laying on their couch this summer. Dwayne Wade announced he was interested in playing himself and was immediately signed to a ridiculous contract.

The next mission was to give Wade a sidekick. They knew that this sidekick had to be awesome at both fighting and blowing stuff up. After Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis and Jackie Chan were considered, the task force finally settled on Steven Seagal (right, with shotgun), citing him as the most definite badass of American 90's B-movies, therefore perfect for the role of Dwayne Wade's awesome sidekick.

OSD was careful not to give away too much information about the highly secret plot, but mentioned it has something to do with the Marquette Men's Basketball team all dying in a plane crash, followed by new head coach Dwayne Wade and new assistant coach Steven Seagal leading a group of Jonah Hill look-alike scrubs from the Rec Center all the way to the NCAA Tournament. However, not many of the task force members could be sure about these details once Guy Ritchie was brought on to direct the film and he made the plot very confusing, much harder to follow, and not the least bit entertaining. But don't worry, it appears there are chants of 'We Are Marquette' galore, car chases on Wisconsin Avenue, explosions in Raynor Library, and numerous scenes of Seagal fighting Nazis.


Seagal: "Henchmen with a mustache and a baseball bat? Is that the best you can do. Weak."

Student reaction to this mega blockbuster has been good so far. Since most students already left campus for it to dry up, we were lucky enough to find one student willing to give an interview. Freshman turning Sophomore Jodi Hansen was walking past the Varsity Theater and was lost and looking for a ride home but she stopped to give us a few words. "Wow. That sounds really cool. I love Dwayne Wade, he's cute. Who is Steven Seagal? I think they should put in Orlando Bloom! Tee hee, he's cute too. Oh my God that sounds like a scary story though I hope everyone is okay! See ya later I gotta go find my stuff, and a ride."

The movie will be filmed on location at Marquette and in Milwaukee, bringing revenue into the city that probably only the mob bosses will benefit from. The movie is also expected to be complete to watch on the lawn in the evening after the first day of school in the fall, but only if there were enough prepositional phrases in the previous sentence for you. WE ARE MARQUETTE (if you haven't already heard that enough)!!!1