Finals Week I

Hey UPS Guy, Your Job Is To Deliver My Book, Not To Judge Me
by Ben Koeller, Noted Slacker

Yeah, so what? I ordered my accounting book a week before the final. Not bad, I've done worse. But when I get that book fresh off amazon.com for ten bucks, I expect the delivery people to be courteous and professional, not smart-ass Adam Sandler wannabes.

"Little late to be getting you book, eh?"

"Little late for you to have already SHUT THE FUCK UP."

I prefer to be vulgar, it gets my point across much better. But seriously, just because I've slept through this class for an hour three days a week (see photo at left) and have done none of the homework assignments is no excuse for you to mouth off to me. I'll pass the class, don't worry about me. Your job is to deliver my book then worry about your other deliveries, not me! I'm a big boy. Save the judging for God when I make it to the pearly gates.

I don't know if this guy was trying to be funny, or even just clever, but my advice to him is say nothing except "hey dude sign this funky little pad thingy" the next time he encounters other late in the year book buyers, because that was the most un-funny thing I've witnessed since I saw The Dukes of Hazzard in theaters.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a nice guy, but I can't stand the feeble attempts at humor. Just because you are an adult this means you have a license to say things in public that aren't funny? WRONG! I was moving out of my dorm last year and some other guys are moving this huge flat screen out of the elevator and some random guy who has never met anyone there in his life before says, "What, did these guys come to school to study or to watch TV?" Then he chuckled to himself. I was so mad I threw a cinder block into the TV then I started strangling this guy like I was Anton Sugar and I shouted, "Don't tell a joke unless its a JOKE! And then make sure its FUNNY! AAAAGHHH!" Then I fled the scene.



Sorry if that was a bit of a rant, or a little off topic, but when the UPS Man judges you for your packages, it gets me a little riled up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to The Bridge and pretend like I'm reading this accounting book I just bought.