We know some of you already got kicked out of the dorms and were forced to head back to Kane County, the home of the "cougars", or whatever respective county your from. But others of you are hanging around here waiting for your landlord to kick you out of your apartment at the end of your lease. It doesn't matter where you are, as long as your north of the border and out of the drug war, because our tips our foolproof despite your region. Things to do, here we go!1. Get A Job - You might think getting a job is hard. False. All you have to do is show up somewhere without being hired. Walk down to the boat dock in Milwaukee and start tying some knots. If a rich guy doesn't throw a couple dollars at you then you're obviously not cut out for pretending to do manual labor and you gotta go somewhere else. Try walking into one of the dorms and taking something apart, then turn a time card into the Office of Residence Life. If they catch you, hopefully you found something a freshman forgot in their dorm and you can sell it on Craigslist to make up for the paycheck you're not getting. If you're at home, there's no shortage of big box stores and conglomerates you can pretend to work for. Make yourself noticed by offering sweet new slogans to the marketing department. Get crazy, start overhauling the stores, you're only going to get noticed with crazy antics and major changes. How else do you think Michael Scott got a job as a regional manager?
We've Got Wood? The Home Depot will increase its sales by 500% after your ideas for sweet new slogans.
2. Don't get a job. Jobs really don't float people's boats sometimes. It has been proven by a recent b&Y survey that having a job significantly decreases people's fun. Think of how many hard drugs you can take without all those pesky drug tests and early morning work shifts. You're most likely going to be locked in a light-less warehouse with Scooby Stub Arms and Kenny the High School Dropout unloading a truck and making minimum wage. Although you might be able to turn this experience into a hilarious motion picture later in your life, it might not be worth it because you're summer is valuable. Remember, you only get so many (unless you decide to become a super senior, then you get a bonus one!)
3. Write on a newspaper/blog. You know you want to, and we'll hire you! Because if I choose to do either option #1 or option #2, this won't give me a lot of time. We might not be able to offer much compensation, unless you like Keystone Light. We have plenty of that. So come around and participate in the everlasting search for the Keystolope (because who doesn't like looking for a prize that doesn't actually do anything?) Please send in your application on a grease stained crumpled up piece of paper with illegible handwriting, that aught to work just fine.These are the only things we can give you suggestions on right now. Weak, right? Yeah, I know. But keep reading this blog for tips four through one thousand and thirty-seven, they will be good. I guess this just only whets your appetite and will make you come back for more, because we're that good. Look for TDIS over the course of the summer! The ongoing series will be updated weekly (or whenever the hell we want) just for you, so enjoy!
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