Mifflin Street Block Party A Success, Agrees Hiccuping Squirrel

The infamous Mifflin Street Block Party, where "drinking begins earlier than 9:00 in the morning" (Wikipedia), has always been a successful event on the infamously binge-drinking UW Madison campus. It once again went off this year (considerably) without a hitch.

Since many schools (including Marquette) have no 24-hour drunk fest with which to compare, the Blue & Yellow sent a foreign correspondent to get the inside scoop on what a day on Mifflin consists of. Here is the schedule we received:

8:00 AM - Snooze button. Too early.
8:30 AM - Snooze button again. This will be the earliest you have woken on a weekend all semester. Exceptions are made for massive amounts of alcohol.
8:47 AM - Up and in the shower with two cool PBRs. Shower is too hot: nearly pass out.
9:21 AM - Scarf down two muffins to lay a base. Closely followed by five mimosas.
10:04 AM - Arrive at first party. Play four rounds of beer pong. Need to get a good buzz on.
10:38 AM - Decide first party is lame. Steal three shot glasses and leave.
11:03 AM - Arrive on Mifflin. Drop two of three shot glasses. Curse. Must soldier onwards.
11:15 AM - Arrive at second party. Play seven rounds of full-cup flip cup.
11:16 AM - Run to bathroom. Puke and rally.
11:53 AM - Dash up to balcony. Decide to spit on cop. Cheered and pointed at.
11:53:29 AM - Cop on balcony asking who did that. Shrug. Slip into crowd.
12:01 PM - Take two tequila swigs from bottle left near gutter on lawn. Wonder if it was the right thing to do.
12:02 PM - Realize said tequila was roofied. Go to lay down.
12:49 PM - Awaken to find roommate slapping face. Something about "YOU CAN'T SLEEP BEHIND PLANNED PARENTHOOD!" Ignore them.
1:19 PM - Awaken to find officer writing citation. Calmly explain why pants have gone missing and squirrel is in shirt pocket.
1:23 PM - Angrily take citation. Tell officer you will find clothes. Ponder how much you can sell a squirrel for on eBay.
1:28 PM - Find large quantity of bubble wrap. Fashion a pair of pants.
1:32 PM - Have lively conversation with Acorn the squirrel about what a jovial good time this is. Acorn avidly hiccups and agrees.
2:25 PM - Finally locate friends but not pants. Reluctantly forced to go home.
2:56 PM - Return home. "Friends" force Acorn to stay outside. Try to show them he is a talking squirrel. Acorn refuses to cooperate. Give up and pass out on couch.
11:09 PM - Wake up to loud pop of bubble wrap to find sharpied penises all over face and arms.
11:09:04 PM - Realize maybe you drink too much.
11:09:09 PM - Rationalize you'll do it again next year. But minus the drinking booze out of the gutter. Too far.