Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hippie Gets Way Too High, Gains Motivation, Gets a Real Job


26-year-old Neo-Hippie Chris P. Johnston was a simple stoner. He worked at the local Taco Bell, played way too much World of Warcraft, and was ranked 15th nationally in Guitar Hero III. On the weekends, he would enjoy long walks on the beach, a good book, or poetry writing sessions, all super high. However, after one particularily long day of work, Chris got mega-blazed and something odd happened. His girlfriend, Moonbeam Smith-Patrick, says she noticed an immediate change; the intoxicant had an inverse effect on Chris' brain. Chris, obviously too high for his own good, decided to clean up his room. Then his house. Then he sold his skateboard and guitar to buy a suit for job interviews. The bad buds somehow changed the chemistry of Chris' brain so much that he gained a god-like motivation to improve his situation. Within two weeks of the incident, Mr. Johnston was clean cut, dressed to kill, and on track for three potential salaried jobs on the east side of Milwaukee, with more interviews lined up. Johnston himself could not be reached for a proper interview, saying that he has much more important things to do. The Blue and Yellow just wants to say to Chris, "Go get 'em kid." Just don't start an underground newspaper that is better than ours.

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