Hey there half-emptiers, its me, Pessimist Pete here to give you my less than spectacular thoughts and musings on campus life. I'm not going to beat around the bush so let's get started: the new Facebook is hands down complete garbage.Starting with the sucky homepage, I don't want to log in and automatically read everyone's unfunny statuses. Suppose people were creative and thought of funny ones, I would like this feature, but news flash: people aren't funny, including me. Now Andy Samberg is funny, but you are not. I'm sorry that's just how it is. I thought it was brilliant how I had it set to where I could only see people's pictures and people's parties, and then a little later people's pictures of those parties. I didn't have to read statuses back then, I could creep pictures much easier all day long!
Speaking of pictures, we all know everyone only takes them when they are wasted, and the only time I will volunteer to be in a picture is when I am wasted. I don't even allow for this with my extreme privacy settings. Not to mention the fact that I am ugly and you are ugly so I would probably take it down if we weren't wasted in the pic. But that's just my point of view.
Getting back to statuses and how I am now forced to read them, it makes me want to go update mine every two seconds with every boring and or mundane detail of my life to show people how dumb they are being. For example I would say things like 'Pessimist Pete is taking a dump' or 'Pessimist Pete trying to find a place to bury the dead hooker in his basement' or 'Pessimist Pete really hates life and is going to jump off the Marquette Interchange', all day to day activities. But you know, I won't do that. I'm sick of people with no balls using Facebook as a vehicle to hate on their friends without actually confronting a situation. Or updating a status to try to receive some attention or sympathy points. I may be a pessimist, but I'm certainly not that big of a douche.
And hear this, I don't care if you think Facebook is copying Twitter. I don't even know what the hell a Twitter is. It sounds stupid and hopefully Facebook is not copying a dumb website, but I wouldn't put it past those jerks. And another thing, stop starting groups about how you're going to have to either pay for Facebook or if you don't go on it for one hour then they will change it back to the original form. Hey asshat: not going to happen! I could try to explain why to these people but the explanation is so easy and they are so dumb that I would lose IQ points.
I'm griping about other people's gripes, I know, that's what I do. I can't walk around for five seconds without finding a reason to hate or not believe in something. But here's what I've always hated about the good ole FB: the 'People You May Know' feature. More like 'People That You May Hate!!!' Yeah that's right Facebook, I'm going to friend all of the douches from high school that I hate but you still suggested for me. Although we have many mutual friends, there is a good reason why we are not already friends with each other. If I am legitimate friends with you, then we will also be Facebook friends, don't worry Facebook, I'm on top of it. If I want to friend one of those assholes, I will, but you know I won't. It gives me satisfaction to x them out, tons of it.
The fact of the matter is that facebook has become the extremely slow way of texting someone. It is irrelevant but people make a huge deal out of it. I hate it and would deactivate my account but I did it once and then people thought I was dead. So I won't, but just watch out next time your on the information superhighway, because I, Pessimist Pete am out there, and I will hate on you in a very pessimistic way if I catch you being stupid.
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