Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sports: Men's Basketball Accidentally Shows Up And Wins Field Hockey National Championship



Marquette Men’s basketball capped off a record setting season with a blowout victory in a title game last weekend. Marquette has definitely faced a lot of adversity over the last season but nothing like this. After team bus driver Colin McDonaghy took multiple wrong turns somewhere near Topeka, Kansas on his way back from Boise, Idaho after the NCAA tournament last weekend, the team thought they had seen their last competition of the season. However, they were wrong.

McDonaghy successfully steered the bus to Omaha, Nebraska where the team was surprised to find the field hockey national championship tournament. After much debate, head coach Buzz Williams decided that the team ended up in Omaha for a reason and this team is competitive, so they will fight to the end, no matter what. Williams was able to fill out a plethora of paperwork and the team was eligible to compete in a tournament which featured 15 other prominent schools.

All four rounds of the games were held on Tuesday morning in front of an enthusiastic crowd of 8.5 eager field hockey fans ready to scream their hearts out. Due to its late entry, Marquette was seeded 16th in the field but easily took out defending champion and number one seeded St. Mary's College with a 5-0 victory. Marquette was able to shut down St. Mary's leading scorer Patricia 'Patty' Mills (no relation to the basketball player) and send them home in tears.

"It was good to get out feet wet. We weren't world beaters or anything but I feel more comfortable with the rules of the game. I also felt like I could plant and cut on my foot much better. I'm looking forward to the next game," Dominic James said after the game. James was able to score a goal in the first game and provide Marquette with much the needed scoring and assisting that they had missed since he was injured in early February.

Marquette followed up its first round victory with back to back victories over 8th seeded Duke and 5th seeded California Polytechnic San Luis Obispo. The combined score of the 2 games was 47-6 with most of the goals coming from a speedy Jerel McNeal. McNeal went on a tear after an NBA scout happened to be randomly passing by the field while walking his dog. However, when this NBA scouts dog got sleepy and wanted to go home, the scout left and McNeal stopped playing defense, much to the dismay of Williams.

In fact, Williams chewed out the entire team for a poor defensive effort in which they let up those six goals in the past two games. Williams intensley preached the defense that he stressed since the summer and tried to pump up the team for its upcoming championship match. This included referencing every speech before a big game from numerous sports movies. From blockbusters such as 'Major League' to cult classics such as the original 'Bad News Bears' to terrible films such as 'Friday Night Lights', Williams covered it all and set a new world record for most movies referenced in one hour. Sophomore forward Jimmy Butler was then suspended for the championship game becuause he fell asleep during Williams' speech.

A pumped up Marquette team took the field for the championship against in-state rival UW-Lacrosse and played at an extremely high energy throughout the game. Lazar Hayward and Dwight Burke were able to send all 15 girls on the opposing team to the hospital with various injuries as they paved the way for 'The Big Three' to score all the goals. UW-Lacrosse was focred to forfeit in a matter of a few minutes and Marquette was crowned national champions. James, McNeal, and Wesley Matthews were touted as tournament Co-MVP's which capped their stellar senior seasons with this prestigious honor.

"I'm real proud of my guys. Talk about stepping it up in the clutch, when we were backed into a corner, we fought harder, what a great way to end the season!" a very joyful and elated Buzz Williams shouted right before David Cubillan broke a bottle of champaign on Williams' head.



The team partied all the way home on the bus, which managed to not make any more wrong turns on its way back to Milwaukee. Despite the fact that all coaches involved in the tournament are protesting to the NCAA, Marquette is determined to celebrate its victory the right way with a parade down Wisconsin Avenue. Cars will be overturned and or set on fire. Guns will be shot into the air. Let the real March Madness begin.

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