Current Illinois Senator Roland Burris rolled through Milwaukee and the Marquette campus to celebrate the FIB (Fucking Illinois Bastard) Convention/Block Party that is hosted once a year in front of the AMU. This elaborate festival, which celebrates Illinoisans being as annoying as possible during their stays in Wisconsin, was going off without a hitch (aka running out of Italian Beef and Old Style) until Burris decided not only to attend the festival but also to "Rep the people!" while he was there, as he called it.About mid ceremony, Burris ran up to the podium, turned off the music and grabbed the mic. "Yo! I'm tha junior senator from Illinoiiiiisss, can I get an AMEN?" Despite the fact that he wasn't even in his home state, a crowd of drunken festival attendees still started chanting, "RESIGN! RESIGN! RESIGN!" Eventually, this crowd realized Burris would never do such a thing and they got bored of chanting. Once the rambunctious crowd quieted down a bit, Burris began to ramble on at the people in attendance:
"I think its so great we can all come together and celebrate our heritage from the great state of Illinois where I am tha JUNIOR SENATOR! Naw many peoples have been worried about what I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna give you folk a chance to hear me out naw, hear me out. I may be the junior senator now but I'm tellin y'all bein the junior senator ain't no gravy train, no sir. Y'all prolly heard I ain't gonna run for that re election down the road in 2010 and y'all prolly did a dance in the streets naw, haha. You know, that whole thing where I was locked outta tha capitol building cuz thems didn't believe me that I was a junior senator, that wasn't no fun so I changed my mind on what I'm gonna do to serve you folk.One of these days good ol Barack Obamas yeah he's doin' a great job down there and he's gonna get promoted like any normal good fella would. Hell, he'll probably be chancellor of the galaxy or somethin' like that so once that happens my good ol buddy Rod Blago, Blagojak, Blajoy-oh-vitch yeah well he gonna hook me up with Baracko's job and I'm gonna be able to serve all y'all in an even better fashion. Its gonna be one hell of a glory day for the state of Illinois when I am the presidente of these here United States, ill tell ya that..."
Burris speech would have continued, but it was too difficult for him to keep talking during a firestorm of Old Style bottles coming like fastballs at his head. Its difficult to predict what else Burris would have had to say but we can only guess it involves the phrases 'I am a junior senator' and 'I want to serve you folk'. He would have probably said what he wanted to accomplish as President, but we would have to guess it is close to 'absolutely nothing'.
Dang! He/She must be a Republican, that looks like its gonna be a knockout!
As of right now, Burris' first term as Junior Senator from Illinois is going to expire Jan 1, 2011 and he does not plan to seek re-election, mainly because the Democratic Party won't let him. Burris was appointed earlier this year by impeached governor Rod Blagojevich and controversy has seemed to follw him everywhere. Burris made the official announcement on Friday that he would not run in the election, however, with news of what he's spoken over the weekend, it is possible we will see Burris in politics well beyond that date, or never, depending on when Barack Obama gets promoted to Supreme Chancellor of the galaxy.
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